Wednesday, 14 March 2012

Five heartbreakingly annoying gamer habits

Here's a collection of things said and done by gamers that makes me want to spew my heart out and depart from this earth.


A brown shooter is one of which (A) Has no other combat elements but shooting (B) Has the typical Afghanistan colour scheme and (C) Has as much story as bit of dandruff that just fell from your scalp. I just can't stand a game as boring as these, especially since we have the technology to blow minds with more than the FX for a basic explosion, SO WHY DO THESE TWITS INSIST ON ONLY 


Okay so, couple of things people also need to get straight. NOT EVERY GAME NEEDS ONLINE PLAY CAPABILITY. Are you forgetting the whole last generations of consoles? Are you forgetting actually meeting up with friends for a beer and some split screen action?! ARE YOU FORGETTING GOLDENEYE? Stop being morons and by games for something else other than being able to chat each other up down a microphone that cost you most than a months pocket money.
Why not pop round to a friends for some multilayer in future?


Yeah, I'm being that guy, I can't stand this whole 'I JUST PWNED THAT N00B' lingo. Just because someone hasn't clocked up 100 hours on Call Of Duty doesn't mean you're king shit. BET YOU CAN'T FINISH FINAL FANTASY 7.

NUMBA TWO: 'MY CONSOLE IS BETTER' (The fanboy wars)'

There is nothing more annoying than seeing sprawled all over the internet, people insisting that one console is better than another console, due to the calculated power. WELL GUESS WHAT? I DON'T GIVE A SHIT, I COULD BE PLAYING A GAME ON A PHILIPS CD-I AND IF ITS GOOD, I'LL SAY IT'S GOOD. Instead of touching your unmentionables while arguing your point out for your favourite console, why don't you accept that some people have PS3, some people have Wii, some people have Xbox 360 AND IF YOU'VE REALLY GOT THE MONEY TO POUR INTO IT SOME OF US HAVE A PC CAPABLE OF HD GAMING. It almost feels like people arguing about console power are trying to compensate for something, which is funny because I know an awful lot of girl PC games/ (Laugh, it was funny)

and finally number one, the one thing that makes my brain come out my arse, the one thing that people should just stop doing.


Xbox 720... PS4... As soon as I see these words, I close over my laptop, walk to the shower and sit in it crying over how ridiculous people are being. Let me put this into a logical perspective... say I was going to predict the design of a new Ford car and I persistently wrote about this car on the internet, talking about how powerful it is, how much more powerful it will be than other cars however, I then say 'It's ashame it has no doors, the new Ford will also have no wheels, I'm not sure how it will travel'. WHAT A BIG LOAD OF SHIT. I feel I'm going to have to state the obvious, IF YOU DIDN'T HEAR AN EXACT FACT ABOUT A CONSOLE FROM THE CREATORS, DON'T BROADCAST RUMOURS.

I'm off to play something with a lot of violence.
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Thursday, 9 February 2012

New consoles soon = Stabbing developers in the eyes

Everyone seems to get really excited at all these tall tale rumours of new consoles coming out apparently within the year, tales of the Playstation 4 and Xbox 'do a a double backflip' 720, appropriately named so because developers will have to.

People don't seem to understand two important things:

The first being that rumours are like smelling something good cooking then realising it was someone's bowel movement, it distracts everyone from what's happening now with our perfectly powerful game systems and games coming out for them , new and exciting titles get shoved to the side for gaming news such as 'THE NEW 720 MIGHT EVEN FUCK YOUR WIFE WHILE YOU'RE AT WORK!'

The second thing is that a game doesn't have to have power behind it to make it a good game! Look at the wonders that are developed by indie developers that create small games such as Limbo. Not only that but people seem to be confused by what HD gaming consists of, a game in 720p CAN look better than a game in 1080p, which makes the fact that people are obsessed with this redundant. If developers are forced to use full HD just for the sake of  making the new consoles look like anything different from we have previously experienced. Consoles such as the PS3 haven't even came close to using the maximum power of the system and since we live in a time where we can change the software versions and buy external Hard Drives why in fuckerys name would we need a new console that we'll never see using it's full power?

This behaviour will only hurt the industry.

Think before you gamers spread rumours, use only facts.

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Tuesday, 3 January 2012

Eiji Aonuma suggests Skyward Sword's style was a one off

Link Says - 'It's not my fault they messed up my nose'

In a Game Informer interview,  Eiji Aonuma made this statement about Legend Of Zelda - Skyward Sword:

“With Wind Waker, the graphics were suited to handheld gaming. Also the game ended with Link embarking on a journey, so it left open the possibility of what comes after the game. With Skyward Sword, positioning it as the first Zelda game means everything else connects to it and comes after it. It becomes a little bit difficult to do something else within that world and certainly much more difficult to do something that comes before it.” 

We can take from this that that Nintendo likely will ditch the graphical style of Legend Of Zelda: Skyward Sword, like a baby with mutant abilities... it might be really cool... but when the baby sets the house on fire and causes a divorce, the baby has got to go.

Sunday, 1 January 2012

Uncharted Series - Drake’s Fortune, Among Thieves , Drake’s Deception

High-res →
There is one thing about the Uncharted series which really haunts me as a player: The characters speak in a more lifelike way than some LIVING PEOPLE that I know, it’s one of these insane fact of life.
The Uncharted games are clearly the product of one thing, Naughty Dog being veterans of the gaming industry as it became more advanced, taking a few leaves out of the books of Edios, creators of Tomb Raider and keeping their passion to drive forward this game.  
Uncharted has all of the THREE key elements of a good game:
  1. The game play is immersive, fun and makes you want to SHOOT SOME BALLS.
  2. Tricky and annoying puzzles which will make you hate the game more than a sprout within a pudding yet will make you try till you win and feel as successful as the guy in your class who didn’t go to University but got a job in a bank and does BLOODY BETTER THAN YOU… moving on.
  3. A storyline worth playing for: You want to find out if Nathan Drake will either get his skull caved in or have crafty intercourse with the blonde sidekick.
This is part of my games to definitely play, as are all the games not titled ‘THIS GAME IS SUCKY BALLS’, however you might be thinking one of the following things:

WELL WHY DON’T YOU ALL FUCK UP. Apart from you without the PS3, you’re excused.
Indiana Jones meets Tomb Raider meets The mummy meets sexual pleasure.

Play this game or I’ll haunt your cutlery drawer.
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Legend Of Zelda: Ocarina Of Time (3DS Edition)

Most Zelda fans can get really cynical when it comes to Zelda games, especially remakes, so I was a little nervous about playing this ‘remastered’ version, like performing heart surgery on yourself.
Yet this game is still as beautiful as when it came out for Nintendo 64 and has infact improved without destroying the feel of the original.
Things which have vastly improved:

  • The Graphics are much smoother, without taking away what they originally look like.

  • The Gyroscope sort of aiming function on 3DS actually works a treat, originally I thought this would be like a blindman playing house of the dead whilst on fire.

  • The 3D effect is actually quite cool and not just a gimmick.  

You also get a new Boss mode, which is handy as it means I don’t have to restart the game to play a boss again, which I did have to do quite often i’m I’m honest.
I haven’t much more to say about this game rather than I am extremely happy with it, it couldn’t have been better. This game is both a reason for having a DS and for buying this game if you already do.
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Cloud Gaming: A big smelly cloud of toxic waste

Cloud Gaming? You might as well shoot Mario in the face.
It seems that I can’t escape this new way of gaming provided by a company called ‘OnLive’. Every single time I went to watch a YouTube video or go on a gaming website this would hit me in the face like a child with ADHD wanting a hug.
SO WHAT IS CLOUD GAMING?’ the annoying American man would ask me unexpectedly, he then proceeded to tell me what it was.
I then discovered it’s another way to cut out having media storage of games, on disks and cartages and even installed on your PC, an aspect even Steam has kept in part. This kind of industry in my opinion, is killing the heart of gaming. It’s killing aspects to games such as box art, manuals, art on disks and of course, physical games and game shops and the best part is that they STREAM the games to you. So if the Internet goes down? Tough. Go play Cluedo with Gran.
Imagine this: You get a bike for Christmas, you’re having so much fun, face full of joy, then your local ISP dig up some cables and the internet goes down, GRAZED KNEES, BIKE VANISHES, TEARS!
It’s just an opinion, but I feel strongly for it, we should own the right to have a copy of a game, not just the right to access the game from somewhere else on someone elses terms, this isn’t what gaming is about, we have evolved since the times of Arcades, lets not roll back to giving money for things that aren’t truly ours!
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The MediEvil Series: What in gods name happened to the Developers?

'I smell shafting' Says Sir Dan.

Personally, MediEvil is one of the best games of all time, my opinion on that won't change. It seems to have been lost over the years, like change down the sofa, or the bouncy ball that caused your mother to divorce your father (Long story).

One thing I noticed was that the developers of the game at Sony Computer Entertainment Europe have vanished, there is very light mentioning of them on the net but nothing substantial.
Infact! the only name given credit to the game I could find (on twitter) is , who seems to be responsible for most of the recent Sony achievements such as Little Big Planet and such. I am currently awaiting reply on twitter from this man, I am not denying him the fact of involvement in the series but it would be nice to know why he isn't listed in the credits of the original game.

I have also messaged people with similar names of developers of MediEvil such as Chris Sorrell and Jason Wilson, however it seems they have not had much activity in recent years.

The only info I could find on Chris Sorrell was this page:

Yet on another page, being this one:
Chris isn't listed as involved in MediEvil.

In this video, Chris Sorrell and Jason Wilson are both interviewed about the upcoming game, so where did they go? Did Sony set fire to their houses and kill their Families? There seems to be a missing gap here, can you help us fill it?

If anyone has any information this you can contact us at @ThumbsFightWars on Twitter.

We'll find you guys and be as joyous as a 20 stone man finding his 'Penis'